Daydreaming is Hard (Sometimes)

This is something that I find myself doing again and again.

I’ll have an idea about something I’m interested in, then jump into research straight away. This’ll take me hours or even days. The strange part is, after that, I’ll forget about the whole thing. It’s like the idea have never crossed my mind, leaving me to wonder what is it exactly that’s been eating up all my time.

And today, as I was about to dive into yet another rabbit hole, I stopped myself and started thinking.

Why am I doing it?

Because research is fun and addictive? It’s an escape from my current work. Also, gaining knowledge, even useless ones, feels highly rewarding.

However, something can definitely make you feel rewarded while being a complete waste of time. It’s important to realize that putting any form of effort into an idea, before the planning phase, is pretty much futile. Besides, the process of surface-level “thinking” about doing something, is just glorified daydreaming. Daydreaming should be burdenless, yet I was doing the complete opposite. Effortful daydreaming.

When I was a child, I used to dream about stupid stuff like fighting aliens. It’s natural for kids to just dream, without constraints of the real life, and have fun in the process. I didn’t actually try to learn sword fighting skills, but let’s say that I did some hardcore study. That would be hilarious, but also depressing at the same time. Why not learn something that you’ll actually need in the near future? Not like that’ll make learning less fun, just more beneficial and applicable.

Would the effort matter?

Let’s ignore the last part for a sec, and just assume I did the thing, and see what happens next.

1. Within 3 days, I’ll forget much of the information I’ve searched, read, and watched.
2. After 7 days, the thought has already been pushed to the back of my mind. Your mind will always be occupied by the “better” thoughts, in the sense of to be generated engagement. So newer thoughts is considered better by the brain because it’s mostly unexplored.
3. After 14 days, if I don’t revisit it, that idea will be completely gone.

This means, if it takes me more than 3 days to put down an actual plan, the efforts I make now wouldn’t matter at all. Because everything will be forgotten by then.

I’m quitting

I’ve said this compulsion is like an addiction, so I’d like to quit it.

First, research should always come after having a plan. It doesn’t need to be the most bulletproof plan out there, but having a framework to house the fruit of research is always helpful.

Second, I really need to start keeping notes. Repeatedly forgetting about my own ideas is kinda painful and frustrating.

Finally, just drop the emotional baggage? Wouldn’t it be better to just fantasize about the possibilities once in a while, and not slap myself in the face right after?

Life is conflicting sometimes.